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Welcome
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Newsletter. http://www.thewaveriders.com
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"Can
someone Bipolar love?" ©.
by Indigo Irwin Kennedy
Based on Theories from the Book - The Wave Riders ®
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"Can someone Bipolar
love?"
If you are Bipolar - does that
sentence bother you?
I bet that if you are Bipolar
it does, however understand that if you were not Bipolar are
were living with someone that is constantly angry or depressed
you might also wonder if they cared about your feelings -
AT ALL.
On the other side of the pole
in depression we can be so self-absorbed by what is wrong
with us and our lives that we sometimes appear to be uncaring.
It might be easy for a person living with us to wonder if
we can love.
This is a real question that
I stumbled on while searching the web on day - and it does
bother me.
What really bothered me about this question is that this questions
shows that there is still a great deal of misunderstanding
when it comes to the term Bipolar instead of appreciating
the Bipolar mind - fear and wrongful judgment are placed on
the creative minds of those that do not deserve it.
Truly, unbalanced Bipolar people
can be tough on their partners, friends and families - but
not able to love?
This is really asking….Can
a Bipolar person care about someone else?
It also means that this person
may not be dealing with someone who is Bipolar, they may actually
be dealing with someone who has been diagnosed as Bipolar
when really they are much more than just Bipolar.
For example, a common error
is to confuse a Bipolar person with someone with Borderline
Personality Disorder which, according to Medterms.com, is
much less known but much more common, especially in young
women but found in men as well. The Borderline personality
may also suffer Bipolar tendencies but is not just Bipolar,
and that makes a huge difference in behavior.
Bipolar polar means "two
poles" not "lack of feeling" in fact, a Bipolar
person is usually suffering from "over-feeling"
though often, self-absorbed.
There is a difference between
a mind that feels extreme happiness and sadness to a mind
that feels no love.
Bipolar people are fabulous
at love. We love to be in love! It is exciting and can often
send up on our "high ride" or what used to be called
the "manic" state. We are not often good at staying
in love. Not because we stop loving but because we see ourselves
in the "mirror of someone else's eye" and we may
not like what we see. We also need quiet time…more than
most people do. We need this "space to be alone"
to maintain balance and if we do not get it (as when we are
in a relationship) this in itself can throw us off balance
into cycles of mania and depression.
Let's look again at the words
that set off the panic in most people's minds and what the
words actually mean.
"bi" means
in this case "two"
"polar" = having a pair of equal and opposite
charges - in this case the poles of happy or sad.
"depression" = the down cycle = deep sadness
Now here is the word that sends
FEAR into the hearts of those who still see Bipolar people
as the homeless, rambling maniacs of the world.
Mania originally comes from the word "madness"
and can mean "insanity" [Origin: 1350-1400; ME <
L < Gk manía madness; akin to MAENAD, MIND ] Dictionary.com
Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random
House, Inc. 2006.
"mania" or "manic"
- for most people with Bipolar "Disorder", this
is the up cycle (usually happy but if the "up" period
is overused the person can be angry & agitated)
Just because the word is used
to describe the up cycle does not MEAN that everyone who is
experiencing a period of mania is insane.
When searching Dictionary.com
I found this simple explanation of "mania" that
I like much better.
*1. Excessive
excitement or enthusiasm; craze: The country has a mania for
soccer.
Dictionary.com
Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random
House, Inc. 2006.
And this is how MANY Bipolar
people experience the "high wave".
We are not running down your
new girlfriend with our car or talking to imaginary friends
or banging on your office door screaming profanities.
We are simple this: 'super excited".
If it is anything else then
often it is mixed in with something more. What is reported
is often the extreme high end of mania. It is the rare few
who go "too high" and end up hospitalized that you
hear about - it is not the majority of us that are holding
down jobs.
What you will usually see in
a Bipolar person is this.
1. We can do too much and
spend too much and talk too fast when we are "up".
2. We are vulnerable to addictions because it is an attempt
to stay on the "high energy".
3. We are creative and wonderful to be around - most of
the time.
4. We can fall into a deep and debilitating depression.
5. If we try and fail too many times we might give up, stay
flat and not dare the high again.
6. When "over worked", "out of balance"
we can become angry.
7. We can multi-task and problem solve at an incredible
rate.
8. We are your lawyer, your doctor, your major, your author,
your artist, your mother/father/child/sister/lover. We are
there, mostly hidden.
9. Unless you live with us - you will not know us as having
pain because we are usually fun-loving around others…not
always at home. This is because the "other" side
of the adrenaline high has to eventually show itself - so
that happens when we can no longer hold up the "high".
For example, this state of being
super-excited is supercharged and hard on the body and mind
- we don't even stop long enough to breathe deeply…just
little gasps between sentences and thoughts.
If we try to stay "super-excited"
for a long period our body and mind will suffer exhaustion
and at this point "super-excited" can become "angry"
or "negatively charged"
This is what I consider to be
someone with Bipolar tendencies that is "out of balance".
A person with Bipolar tendencies
that is "in balance" may still ride smaller waves
of higher and lower energy but does not "super-charge".
I believe that Bipolar is NOT just two poles!
I believe that Bipolar is actually multi-levelled and that
many people have lesser waves and so do not show problems
in their lifestyles and I believe that the majority of people
diagnosed as Bipolar can learn to level out the waves enough
that they do not create problems in their lives.
Balanced Wave Riders still receive
all the talents of the creative person…with none of the
ramblings of the overachieving burnout maniac.
Being "up on the high wave"
means different things. For some, it is simply solving a puzzle
at work that sends you on a slightly elevated "good mood'.
For some the pulse quickens a little more than normal, the
rate of speech increases and they 'start doing" - everything
and anything.
It has been reported in medical
journals that for the EXTREME high waves - this can mean hallucinations
and paranoia…think of this stage as an overdose of adrenaline
that the brain cannot deal with. But don't jump to the conclusion
that ALL Bipolar people are like this as soon as you hear
the word "Bipolar" or manic depression (which is
what Bipolar used to be called but came with too much stigma-
still does)
I believe this to be the EXTREME
case that is the main focus, the one documented - because
it is the one that creates problems for others and often ends
up in the hospital - and I believe that at this point they
are no longer just Bipolar - at this level they have reached
such a height with their adrenaline in their minds and body
that the mind can no longer handle or interpret what it is
experiencing and it crosses over into something beyond "normal
Bipolar' into "near Schizophrenia ".
Unfortunately, still too often
the stigma of being Bipolar interferes with our being accepted
into other peoples lives. The balanced Bipolar person is a
person who can help your company exceed. The balance Bipolar
person does not have anger and if fascinated with the world
and how it works. The balanced Bipolar person does not go
into deep depression. Does this mean they are no longer Bipolar?
No. They are still Bipolar and if they are out of balance
they can ride the unproductive waves again and fall back into
depression. Millions of people are Bipolar…perhaps it
is simply the end result of "having to multitask"
our way through life.
"Can someone Bipolar love?"
Yes, we can love, deeply and
passionately - we just often don't know how to keep love.
What we have trouble with is
staying in a relationship, because we often need extra "space"
to think and to keep our emotions in check - in a relationship
that is insecure that does not allow this space we will begin
to tilt the scales of balance.
We also "absorb" the
negative emotions, meaning that we observe them, often subconsciously
enough to "pick them up" as ours. We often need
the quiet time to realize that these are not our feelings
and to release them. For example, another person's bad day
might feel like "our fault", "we have done
something wrong" and this does not feel good. It makes
us want to stay away from people sometimes. If we don't have
quiet time to release these feeling - we can "spew"
them out in anger and not know where the anger came from.
A borderline personality would
be much more prone to "not care" or not be able
to control their actions enough to think about how others
might feel. The Borderline personality acts as is without
thought and would be the likely one to push into your work
place, banging on your door calling you names for example
- rather than pull back.
I feel disappointed that so
many people still do not understand the Bipolar mind and often
mistake Bipolar tendencies with much more invasive illnesses.
I admit that someone who moods vary from high to low (sometimes
rarely seeing the mid-wave) can be very difficult to live
with and often we prefer solitude. I realized what bothered
me about this question was the misinformed judgment that the
question represented. Bipolar Disorder
Let's look at the guideline
differences - (not an exact science - my loose interpretation).
I have backed up my writings with some quotes and links for
further study at the end of this newsletter.
- Borderline Personality =
pervasive instability in moods = nasty interruptions at
work
- Schizophrenia abnormalities
in the perception of reality = living on the streets
- Bipolar Disorder abnormally
elevated and/or depressed elevated mood, = sometime too
happy and sometimes too sad.
Okay - it is definitely not
this clear cut of a division. Both Borderline Personality
and Schizophrenia can also be Bipolar.
The Bipolar person could AT
THE HIGHER levels have some troubles with the perception of
reality and also act in a disruptive manner.
Too many people hear the words
Bipolar and think THE HIGHER levels - where many of us are
normal members of the community and business world.
We are creative people. That
creativity does not just show up in the "art world"
in artists, writers and musicians. Bipolar swings of mood
show up in massive numbers in the entrepreneurial spirited
business man or women. Bipolar hits both men and women almost
equally.
Borderline Personality is largely found with young women.
Bipolar personality is credited
with some of the greatest works, discoveries and solutions
in the world. Borderline Personality and Schizophrenia are
mainly nonproductive as they cannot perform in any environment.
Can someone Bipolar love?
Yes, we can love and we can
feel pain and we can cry and we can get angry and we can feel
compassion.
If you are living with a Bipolar partner or family member
- we will cover this in the October newsletter but for now
remember that it is not right for us to make others around
us suffer for our "out of balance" life patterns.
It is up to us to make sure that we are balanced to the best
of our abilities. Bipolar is not an excuse for anger or violence
in any form.
A diagnosis of Bipolar does
not give a license to make others miserable. There are things
that can be done to improve balance and that is the responsibility
of the Bipolar person to seek ways of balancing.
We are lucky if we have a partner willing to help - too often
I hear men and women using Bipolar as their excuse for anger
or bad treatment of others and sometimes the loves that love
a Bipolar spouse want to "excuse them" because they
cannot help it. If you partner is constantly angry and/or
abusive....there may be much more than Bipolar "disorder"
going on. If your partner is paranoid and obsessively jealous
... there may be much more going on.
Don't mistake, what may be a
need for counseling on "other issues" as symptoms
of Bipolar Disorder and violence.
For example: your espouse may
have suffered trauma as a child and the jealously and anger
may stem from that.
Brain injuries and even blood
sugar out of balance can also create violent/angry behavior.
My main point is that most people who are Bipolar as so in
such a subtle way that they do not even notice it and it is
not a problem for them. It is when they get out of balance
that the up and down waves reach a higher and lower level
and it starts to create a problem for them. This is where
we start to record the person as "being bipolar".
To me Bipolar is much more of
an internal struggle than some of the other ailments that
we might encounter.
Bipolar "Disorder"
is so internal that we, ourselves, must often be the main
instruments for our self-improvement.
We cannot lie on the couch and
expect that our loved ones will fix us. Nor is it right to
yell at our families making them feel like they are walking
on egg shells. If we can balance - those tendencies do not
have to be in our lives and the do not have to surround our
loved ones in insecurity not knowing where the next explosion
of angry words will occur.
If you are in depression now.
I am not saying that this is not hard. You are right - it
is really hard to try to pull yourself out - but you must.
No one else will do that for you and your depression will
not help fix anything. Prevention is the key. All you can
do now is the little bits that you can. Take a walk, take
a shower....little bits until you finally come back to mid-level
and are able to make some lifestyle changes - but don't take
it out on your loved ones.
See October's newsletter for
more on "Living with a Bipolar Husband, Wife, Family
member or Friend" for more inside the mind views on how
to deal with certain situations.
Take care
Indigo
Remember, I am accepting stories for future book and examples.
If you are in a situation that you think the world should
know about please send me your story. Your name can be kept
confidential and is not necessary.
References for this article:
Borderline Personality
"While less well known
than schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness),
BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults, mostly young women."
A serious mental illness characterized
by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships,
self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts
family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's
sense of self-identity.
Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of
psychosis, people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation.
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=17770
Schizophrenia
…characterized by abnormalities
in the perception or expression of reality. It most commonly
manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre
delusions or disorganized speech and thinking in the context
of significant social or occupational dysfunction…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia
Bipolar Disorder
… is not a single disorder,
but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of
one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically
referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes
also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms,
or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression
are present at the same time. These episodes are normally
separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients,
depression and mania may rapidly alternate, known as rapid
cycling.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
* Mania definition on Dictionary.com
American Psychological Association
(APA):
mania. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved
August 31, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mania
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
mania. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1).
Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mania
(accessed: August 31, 2008).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"mania." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random
House, Inc. 31 Aug. 2008. <Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mania>.
Look
for more articles coming in The Wave Riders newsletters.
Indigo
http://www.thewaveriders.com
Respond to this article by emailing
Indigo E-mail info@thewaveriders.com
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