It is almost Christmas and for many of us, it will be a time where our minds will focus on what we do not have or cannot give. We will overwork to buy things we don't need so that we can impress our children and our friends with our material wealth, no matter how small our "show" is. Some of us will max out our credit cards and work overtime for days losing sleep, just to make sure that our family and friends receive what we think the rest of the world already has, and our family needs.

During this Christmas, let's try to remember that despite their long list of wants, our children simply want to see our smile and our spouses simply want to see us happy. Try to avoid working yourself into a frenzy to meet Christmas deadlines from the office, home or family.

Just enjoy being together and if you do not have someone to share your Christmas with this year, then see if you can find someone, a friend or a neighbour to share this time with. If your Christmas seems bleak, don't fill your heart with darkness and envy, but instead, do the best that you can to be the best person that you can be and your heart will begin to rise up.

If you find yourself snapping at your kids because they are not putting the tree lights on right then check your "I need to impress others" meter and stop over exerting yourself to give your family a "traditional Christmas". Instead do what you can do, and allow others to help you. Don't worry if it is not perfect and remember it is a celebration, not a chore. If you are in bed because you are too depressed - get out of that bedroom! Don't focus on what you cannot give your kids or your girlfriend…give them you instead. Don't focus on how you have failed; start to succeed today by taking one step out of that bed.

Rather than converting guilt into anger, give yourself the gift of joy and give your family the gift of peace. Find contentment from the little things that you do and the happy moments that you will create. It is the angels in the snow and the snowball's, near miss that will linger on our minds, not the expensive gifts given under duress.

If your life is not as you would like it to be this Christmas, have faith that you can make changes to improve it one little step at a time. Do not focus on what you are today, as it is just a memory of the past and instead start walking gently toward your dreams. If you find yourself in a depression during Christmas remember to tell yourself that depression is not who you are and that you will come out of this. Pick up your copy of "The Wave Riders" book again and read pages 78 and 79 (step 1 and 2) to get you back heading up on the wave.

Christmas is not about attending parties out of guilt nor is it about facing down the crowds to get the right gift. You are allowed, and in fact, you must remember to balance yourself with rest, good food, and quiet times. You are allowed to say, " Thank you for the invitation, but I will be staying home tonight" and it is okay to say, "I am sorry but this year, I cannot afford to give gifts".

Why do more of us get depressed over the holiday season?

I believe there are a few reasons.

1. Most of the year we work too hard so that when a little holiday time arrives it gives our bodies the perfect time to shut down from exhaustion. Instead of enjoying a restful state, we start to focus on; "there must be something wrong with me, because I don't feel like doing anything". We fall into the self-loathing, rather than remembering back to our exhaustion that developed over time.

2. Tired from the days activities, we fall onto the couch and turn on the television. Commercials pound our senses and turn our focus on things we need and things we are lacking. No matter how good our life may be it does not live up to the constantly images bombarding our minds.

3. We watch impossible standards airbrushed into magazines containing issues on beauty and travel and watch endless home improvement specials. Our minds scan these images so often, that it begins to wonder why it is that what we see in our homes and in our mirrors are not the same. Why is our floor dirty when no one else has dirty floors? Our minds conclude that the error must be some deficiency in ourselves and we begin the negative dialogue to self-destruction.

4. We look to what society has sketched as a good Christmas: loving family; pretty decorations; lots of gifts under the tree and well cooked overflowing tantalizing food. We forget that the holiday season is really just more experience - some good and some bad. Pretty pictures don't usually show how long it took to untangle the Christmas lights or how hard you worked to get the house cleaned up for company.

5. I have yet to see a happy Christmas picture showing a single man or women happily decorating their Christmas tree and eating their dinner by themselves, yet it is common to be a single man or women on Christmas Eve. It is a time, where coupled people head into their homes and start their fireplaces and lounge together. It is a time, where a lone person can stare longingly into the warm yellow lights of the homes that seem so inviting against the white snow on a blustery winter's eve. Being on our own does not have to equal sadness. Last Christmas, my daughter went off to spend the holidays with her dad in a different town. I could have spent the holidays with friends, but instead I created a family Christmas just for me, myself and I. We had a great time. I did not have any pressure to be anything or to do anything, so I simply enjoyed. I cooked a turkey with all the trimmings and watched "it's a wonderful life on TV" and when it was all over I gave myself a hug, and felt thankful for the joy that I had learned to experience without external stimuli and went off to bed. It was one of the best Christmas experiences of my life. We have been taught that "alone on Christmas" =sadness, it is how we have been told to feel by the subtle signs around us, but is not how we have to feel at all.

6. For some of us the dreary weather can send us into depression, though I have found that since I started to nurture my life daily that I am no longer as susceptible to the change in weather. That since I started to pace myself daily and to honor my personal rules that I enjoy each day but if I work too hard or stay up too late I can fall prey to this again. If you find you are subject to SAD (seasonal affective disorder) then make a plan, before it hits, to bring sunshine into your life somehow. Take a vacation south, start a new course or find joy in the cold snow and warm fireplaces. Ask your doctor about lights therapy designed for SAD. Focus on the colourful lights rather than the grey skies.

So, this is Christmas and what have we done?

We forgot that everyday, including the holidays, is just another day of experience and learning. We start off the season, expecting that some external gift or event will bring us joy and we forget that the best gifts are those of faith and love.

Our exercise for the holiday season is to focus on each moment, enjoying the warmth from family and friends. Turn our attention onto enjoying the day and not the wrappings and find peace in the accepting of who we are not in the judgment of what we can and cannot do. Let us not fall into the trap of thinking that we are less of a person because we cannot give expensive gifts and do not fall into the trap that if we attend all the right functions then our life will somehow improve or people will like us more.

This Christmas let's remember that we are more than what we earn, and we are more than what is in our bank accounts and we are more than a source of gifts. We are more than the people that have to put up trees and shovel walkways and accomplish chores. We are people that have each day, a great capacity for cheer and laughter and the ability to make another person smile - there is no greater gift that we can give than our hearts and no gift more gratefully received than an unexpected belly laugh.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Yours in Faith,

Indigo Irwin Kennedy
Beyond the mind, around the heart, fill the soul.