Wave riders (men/women/children with high and low energy states) often have some unique senses and appear to be able to feel the emotions of people around them, even the emotions of people they do not know. This ability has created problems for the unsuspecting wave rider. A wave rider often knows that they have this ability though they do not often identify it as the cause of their social fears.

Wave riders seem to absorb negative emotions and carry them within their bodies or pushing them onto others, throughout their day. We may blame ourselves for the bad feelings thinking that we have done something wrong and that the person we had encountered is for some reason angry with us.

If a wave rider is in a lowered state of emotion, tired and entering the down wave of depression or is already in the depths of depression itself, they are extremely sensitive to picking up on these feelings and often may misinterpret them. In this lower state, a wave rider will internalize these misinterpreted emotions, adding fuel to their depression and their "something is wrong with me" thinking. Many of wave riders will start to believe that they are shy or socially flawed.

We pick up the label of social anxiety and we develop a greater fear of social functions, because we do not want to experience the gut twisting pain that often results from the absorption of these negative emotions. Often these "picked up" emotions concentrate their energy in our stomach region making us feel nauseated or as if there was a fist in our belly. We can be overwhelmed with negative emotions from a solitary person or from a group of people. We can observe that we did not have negativity before we entered the social encounter and did not consciously experience a negative conversation or action during the encounter, but somehow we have absorbed negativity.

Sometimes, without knowing where it came from this negativity will jump out as anger resulting in snapping at those around you. This anger is what triggered me to observe my absorption of negativity. I could walk, in a positive mood, into a room or building without a word to anyone inside and walk out angry. I could have a pleasant conversation with someone and feel as if I wanted to vomit when it was over, even though I enjoyed the conversation. One day, the contrast between my good mood as I entered the building and my snapping in anger at my daughter as I left the building was so apparent that I stopped and realized that the anger that was coming out was not how I was feeling and realized it was something I had picked up. I needed to release it in a different way. I needed something to help me remember what was important in life and to ground myself again. I held my daughters hand and I breathed deeply. As I felt the love, that I have for my daughter and as I felt my breathing relaxing my body and releasing the negative energy, my good feelings returned.

When I sensed something, I began to ask if there was a problem, or if they were angry or if there was something I had done, that was bothering them. This line of questioning, if asked too often, can become very annoying; so do not become obsessive with questions. In the beginning, I had to ask just to learn if the emotions were real and if these feelings had been directed at me. Often the response was, "no, I am worried about my child, or "no, my wife and I are getting a divorce", or "no I am just overloaded". I also had the response of, "you know I did not realize that something was bothering me, but you are right, this "thing" has been annoying me all day". This realization often enables them to deal with the problem that had existed but been pushed down subconsciously, now with awareness he/she is able to make decisions and let the problem go.

If however, as wave riders we absorb negativity but do not realize where it came from we will start to build a monster that gets larger with each negative thought that we push on it. We will begin to believe that we have a socially disability. Wave riders do well with some time on our own which allows us to focus our energy and thoughts but we can also become reclusive and prefer the hermit lifestyle. To become a hermit because it is truly what we enjoy is not the same as becoming a hermit because we fear social encounters. We can often mislabel our social anxiety and unnecessarily begin avoiding people.

I recently spoke with a wave rider that lived up on a mountaintop, and thought of him fondly as the "Hermit on the Hill". He approached me one day and asked if I knew anything about social anxiety. I thought to myself that this handsome fellow is well versed, intelligent, and a pleasure to be around and I wondered how he could possibly have a social problem. He told me that he felt physically ill after attending some social functions and that this problem was beginning to seep into his business, his relationships and his health. It no longer mattered how small the crowd was or how well he knew and loved the people around him. He was beginning to feel discomfort in all social activities. He thought he could not go on this way and that he was in very serious trouble. The inflections in his voice and the wariness in his eyes, told me that he was scared. Fear was paralyzing him. The prospect of feeling this way forever and the limitations this anxiety would put on all aspects of his future, were tearing him apart. He had been suffering for years, but now the situation had grown unbearable.

He had read The Wave Riders book and had identified himself as a wave rider, which did not surprise me, as he is a creative genius in both art and technology and often driven to days of late night overwork. He was beginning to understand why he was having extremes of emotion, but did not relate the anxiety to being a wave rider. As he spoke, I soon began to realize the similarities between my "soaking up" negative emotions and with knots in my stomach after meetings and the symptoms he was beginning to list. The main difference in what was happening to him and what had happened to me is that I had not internalized the feelings and placed them on myself as my problem I had. I had instead recognized them as the feelings of others. This recognition allowed me to release the negativity and to move forward without carrying the negativity around.

It was the same pattern that we can observe as we enter the "rebuilding stage", the negative downward spiral of depression. Once we begin to focus on a negative emotion, such as "something is wrong with us", then the negative emotion begins to be empowered and begin to grow. We create our own monster. We give it energy each time we say, "we are shy" or "we don't do well in social situations". We have to stop building up the negative monster that grows at the expense of our self-esteem and confidence.

We had to turn his thought processes from dealing with "his problem of anxiety" to learning how to use "his gift of empathy". We needed to turn his focus onto the person he was speaking with and away from himself but first we needed to give his anxiety monster a good swift kick out the door. He needed to stop labeling himself negatively.

I am not claiming that dealing with all social anxiety is this simple, however, I am saying that I believe that many wave riders are empathic (Source: dictionary.com Empathic, showing empathy, "Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives"). I believe that this ability can make us believe that we have a social anxiety disorder, when what we really need is to identify this pattern of energy absorption and to breathe it through and out of our bodies.

I now rarely ask the question, "Is something bothering you". I simply understand that I have absorbed an emotion belonging to someone else and unless it makes sense to suspect myself as being the cause, I now automatically assume I am not. If it seems appropriate, then I may ask, "Have I done something wrong", and attempt to deal with the situation immediately and sometimes I simply allow the person to discuss it with me later, when they feel like it, or I allow them to keep it to themselves. It is not always my business to know why others are feeling the way they are, nor is it my business to try to "fix" someone. I have learned to accept that we need to work through our own stuff in our own time.

As untrained wave riders, we do not know why we depression comes upon us and often we will focus too much on the many things that are "wrong with me". We are internal. Our thoughts may wander to the ways that we are messing up in the conversation or how our hair is a mess or how dry our mouth is or how stupid we sound. This intense self-scrutiny creates anxiety. Our internal focus changes when we learn to acknowledge that in any situation we can only do the best that we can do, and we instead concentrate on what the other person needs or how the other person is feeling. Rather than think about how bad you may look try to think about how you can you help this person today. By focusing on what you can do instead of what you are doing wrong you may find that you start to enjoy social situations.

If you do pick up negativity while you are in a "down-wave state", tell yourself to let it go, as it is very likely that your internally focused sensitivity on the down wave is altering your judgment. If you are on the mid-wave and you pick up negative emotions, look at the logistics of the situation. Did you, in reality, do anything that could have created a negative situation? (Don't be too obsessive about these thoughts just a quick check.) Once you have identified that you have inadvertently absorbed negative emotions then begin your release process. I actually hold my daughters hand and say, " I just need to balance for a moment". I hold her hand and I breathe deeply for a few minutes while feeling the negativity flow from my body. I focus on relaxing all my muscles and releasing. You can hold the hand of someone you love, or rub your fingers across a smooth rock and breathe and relax.

I also breathe, relax, and focus before entering a social situation. I remind myself that I am all that I am supposed to be at this moment in time, and that I can only do what I can do with the resources that I have at hand. I desire in my life people that enjoy me as I am and I can let go all those who do not. I do not need to be friends with the world; I only need to be the best that I can be. By accepting me as I am with all my "imperfections" I create, a safe world where others can feel accepted and this in turn allows me to believe that there is also a safe place for me.

I am happy to say that the "Hermit on the Hill", is a Hermit no more. On the hill lives a pleasant, creative and intelligent wave rider who is beginning to allow people into his life and loving it. He still enjoys his occasional Hermit periods, but he consciously chooses a quiet time because he enjoys his occasional solitude rather than because he is avoiding the world. His process was swift. It did not take years it took only a few months. Why, was he able to change in a very short time what had plagued him for many years? He was able to change quickly because his mind no longer believed in the negative story, he had once told himself. Once the lie was unveiled, it no longer made sense to continue. He will still need to practice and he will still fall prey to it occasionally but he is now happy and enjoying the company of others.

For this new year, lets make a resolution to improve what we can and accept our current limitations as only a part of our learning experience. Let us try to identify the negative false perceptions of ourselves that are holding us back and attempt this year to be all that we can be. Let us make a safe place where there is no judgment, where friends can come and be themselves in comfort and let us accept them, as they are, so that we may also find comfort being accepted and loved for who we are as we are.

Happy New Year
Yours in Faith,
Indigo Irwin Kennedy
Beyond the mind, around the heart, fill the soul.